yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize