I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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