she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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