I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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