Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Sext me about skeletons
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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