Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I have feelings that need drinking.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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