I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
