i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize