This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
