Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
