the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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