Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I wish you could order shots online.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
