I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
