what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
