My Higher Power is John Stamos
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
