how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
