ya dads aren't the best wingmen
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
