"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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