I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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