Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
