Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
This show inspires me to have sex in space
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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