isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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