Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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