I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
