A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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