don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize