my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She's the barista slut.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
