I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I am puke
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
