Your face is a jimmy john
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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