ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
