just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
