I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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