I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I want to make a zoo with you.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
