dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
