I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
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