This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
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