either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
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