Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
