Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We were destined to go to rehab together
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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