you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
