I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
