I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize