I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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