oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
