What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
