You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
