I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
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