Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
