Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
