What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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