Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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