I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
