you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
