went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I love you. Go after that dick
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