I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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