My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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