You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
