wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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