This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
