i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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