I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
