508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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