i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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