how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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