When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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